Love Versus Vice

Dating someone that continues to fall to the temptations of their vices can be frustrating. You want to grow but it seems as though they slip into the comfort of their vice and fall short towards the goals you both set together. Taking everything they do that’s opposite of the goals set for the both of you personal. It hurts you that they continue to hurt their self by falling short in bettering their self. Every excuse feels like a stab in the chest. Do you continue to ride them on their toxic behavior or allow them to see for their self and create an exit plan for yourself? How much “nagging” or holding accountable could you do before it takes a stab at your relationship? An open relationship starts to transition into a relationship with secrets. Secrets that may lead to issues you never thought of. They went from indulging in front of you to be completely open and frank with you, to hiding it and lying to you to keep their habit. Your boyfriend that drank just a little bit too much for your liking just started to feel like he had to move around you and hide. While dealing with these kinds of issues I read article after article to see how others may have dealt with it and there was no right answer, only one that stood out most amongst the others. NEVER willingly sign up for someone else’s addiction, that’s asking for a lifetime of heartache, lies, and betrayal. So do you take a stance and fight or take flight when introduced to your partner’s vice? Best to make the decision before love makes it for you. Sometimes we become addicted to trying to fix someone or helping them fight their addictions. 

I Used To Pray For You

I used to pray for you…

Hoping that your greatness would become apparent in our love 

I used to pray for you…

Because I felt my love for you required it

Praying for you to be a stronger man

Body of a bull and mind like a sponge  

Strong so when you held me I understood that I didn’t have to be any more

My fight with the world was now over

And I was able to be just your queen…

Soft and sensual

Melting in your arms

Strong like a sponge able to clean off the pain that spilled out of me

Wringing it out but still having enough remain to remind yourself of what used to be of me

What used to fill me up 

So that I won’t have to consume that same pain again

But with my prayer came your demons…

Every prayer packed a slap in my face 

Fighting with prayer while they fought with fire. 

As I prayed that your bottle would become heavier.. you made it lighter

You drank but my stomach always would become flooded with pain and sorrows

Butterflies turned into knots in my stomach

Mind becoming clouded by your smoke

Drowning in a fire you seemed to provoke

But I was still praying for you

I was still praying for us

Praying that I was worthy of you fighting your addictions and demons

Not only for the betterment of yourself but for us and knowing you wouldn’t be fighting alone 

But I fought while you watched 

You just couldn’t leave those demons alone so you left me

Alone with my prayers and tears 

Alone to ponder whether you chose your demons because you didn’t love me or simply not enough

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