I was being a wife to someone that wouldn’t even make me his girlfriend. And I’m ok and I’ve grown enough to say this. Just so others can take heed. People love to scream titles ain’t shit until it backfires and the respects that come with those titles aren’t received simply because you’re doing the job. You wouldn’t be at a job as a regular associate and completing all managerial task without some type of compensation.. A title, pay raise… SOMETHING… Some type of recognition.
And don’t get me wrong because sometimes we settle for titles and actions don’t reciprocate the title. You’re my mate but I can’t really depend on your emotional, mental, physical… Hell even financial support, if it’s that deep. If I’m still calling my parents for everything that happens simply because I don’t feel as though you’re receptive of my feelings and trials and tribulations then what’s a title without the efforts to maintain or elevate. I’m all about being on a level playing ground. I had a mate comfortable to call on me in any hardship; whether it be: breakdown, hungry or just need to borrow some cash “until I get paid”. But it was never an open door… Or maybe I just didn’t receive that same comfort or that same hand was never extended to me in return. So I found myself often times drained. There was nothing being put back into me. I began resenting the situationship but I could not leave no matter how often it brought me to tears or extreme frustration. The situation had a hold on me. I had invested so much time and effort it had to work! That was until one day I realized it’s not about time invested in a negative situation. Regardless of time and of energies invested if they weren’t being returned, it was your responsibility to ask yourself, “What’s your ending point? What’s your breaking point? How low will you allow both YOURSELF AND this person to bring you before you realize that you need to pick yourself up and LOVE YOURSELF?! Is this a Bill or a Benefit? And when I say bill I don’t only mean financially but how much are you paying out emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.
There is no playbook on getting out of a situationship, relationship, friendship, etc. that’s toxic, if I may be honest. But there is one step that’s necessary regardless of the order it happens. You must accept and acknowledge that the situation is toxic and understand that you won’t be able to grow and blossom as you hope to if you continue to invest time into something that was not put on this earth for you. While going through my situation I asked a relationship counselor I met, “What would you advise someone to do if they’re trying to get over a toxic relationship?” Two of the main things that stuck out to me was “step out of denial and keep a log of your emotions.” I really wondered what keeping a log of my emotions would do so I asked and it made complete and simple sense. “Keeping a log of your emotions allows you to see the hurt that you’re allowing yourself to go through by keeping this person in your life. By keeping a daily log of your emotions you’re able to see face to face what you’ve been really dealing with and afterward you’re able to deal with the healing.” I believe that it was both God and the universe that put this person in passing at that point in my life and I hope that anyone that’s going through anything that makes them feel as though they need these words are able to come across my blog and receive insight and motivating words.
Kick out negativity and receive uplifting energies!